Missing Maureen

Three years ago this morning my beautiful niece passed away. In 2004 it was the day before Thanksgiving. We had pizza that year on Thanksgiving Day sitting around my nephew’s dining room table. Understandably noone was in the mood to cook a traditional dinner. Life goes on even though we didn’t think it would, even though we really didn’t want it to. My 93-year-old mother opted out----a few weeks after Maureen died, she also chose to make her departure. My sister and I were the walking wounded for a while.

After this much time to ponder such an enormous event in our family, I have slowly discovered something. I knew this piece of information intellectually but I have now gotten glimpses of it in the core of my heart—and that is there is a definite existence on higher level of life. Naturally I was taught about “life after death” as a Catholic----it was framed in the context of heaven, purgatory, and of course hell. I now know there is something beyond all this.

This came about because, shortly after Maureen died, my sister’s life began to change. Well, of course, it would naturally after such a loss, but I mean in a good way. Not just good, but fabulous. Not just fabulous, but miraculous. It was odd, because as she was grieving, great things started to come her way. She became recognized in the community newspapers in many ways for her charitable work. She was asked to speak at the high school’s Homecoming celebration—the first time a woman has been bestowed this honor. She made some lovely changes in her home (with a little help from her Feng Shui sister, of course) and she began entertaining. She had some travel opportunities. An incredible financial windfall was dropped in her lap. And most recently she won $500 in a local drawing. It’s like she became charmed, in a bittersweet way. I asked her what she thought was going on. She said “It’s Maureen.”

It seems every day she sits in Maureen’s room for a few minutes and asks for strength and guidance. Then goes on about her day. As it turns out, this King Midas touch began almost instantly after Maureen left. First, in small ways. Then in bigger ways. Now, everyone is noticing. She is rather embarrassed by all the attention coming her way, admitting she’s even afraid to buy a lottery ticket because she’s pretty sure she might win. No one begrudges her change in fate. It’s a pretty known fact in my hometown that she deserves every good thing that comes her way. But why now? After her husband died twenty-five years ago, she struggled to raise her little kids by herself, worked sometimes two jobs, paid her bills on time, held her head high. Why not then?

I believe it comes down to the fact that she has asked for the help she needs, which is not something she did very often and wasn’t able to do even after the death of her husband. This time she didn’t ask me or her son for help, she asked her daughter who had died. She stretched past the concept of heaven or hell and reached to someone she knew. She put forth an intention with all of her heart, with what was left of her heart, and asked. She reached into the transcendental for answers and guidance that couldn’t be answered from here and came back with palpable results.

Does she consider this praying, I asked? She assured me she didn’t think of it as prayer. It’s simply a mother reaching out to her daughter, heart-to-heart. It’s simply one soul putting forth a heart-felt request in the hopes another soul will hear and respond. How is this any different than someone asking for a better job? an easier relationship? a chance to heal? Perhaps the difference lies in the word “heart-felt”----feeling with the heart and having the heart accept the feeling. Maybe we just don’t reach far enough with the request.

We still miss Maureen, especially around this time of year. Not only because she left us at Thanksgiving, but also because she loved the holidays. Yet I see now that she really isn’t far away at all. I need only reach out.

"FUN SHUI" NEEDS A WARDROBE MAKEOVER

I’ve been watching the HGTV show "Fun Shui" for a few weeks now (Friday nights at 8:30 CST) and want to preface my comments by saying I really do think the show is doing a good job. There are some good teachable moments and some clever ideas. Watching a place transform makes for good viewing and I think they’re pretty spot on.

Now, however, I think it’s time to bring in a wardrobe coach. What is it with those clothes Stefanie the consultant wears? Is she going to a ball-game? running errands? Does she only have that one pair of jeans? I’m waiting for the show that has her wearing a baseball cap. This is a professional appointment, people. Come on, dress her accordingly. I’ve met this woman----she doesn’t dress like this otherwise, that I could tell. I’ve seen her in a very attractive two-piece suit, or a pair of dress slacks with a sweater. She’s a mature woman who should no longer be dolled up in tops appropriate for an 18-year-old, with a pair of stone-washed jeans and those boots. She never takes those boots off even when painting walls. Wouldn’t it be nice if we saw her remove those things at the front door so she could respectfully walk through the space without danger of scuffing up the wood floors?

I guess my beef is that I’ve seen how hard some of us have worked to get people to take Feng Shui and Feng Shui consultants seriously. If I showed up in something like that, I’d be apologizing all over myself to the client explaining how my house had burned down and this was all I was wearing when I ran out of the burning building. What would it hurt to make her a bit more age appropriate?

My other wardrobe gripe has to do with editing. I think they’re trying to make it look like this whole make-over thing took one day since everyone is wearing the same outfit in the beginning and then at the end. But in-between everyone wears different clothes. This doesn’t take an Oliver Stone to know that sequential integrity is important. I get that they would change clothes when they’re involved in the "hands on" parts where we see them happily pushing paint rollers around. But then to bring them back in the original outfits to end the program? Who dropped the wardrobe ball here? On more than one show Stefanie announces that she’s going to take her client shopping. The next shot in the story shows her and her client in the store in different clothes and different hair-dos. Maybe I’ve made a mistaken assumption that they’re shopping in the city in which the client lives. Maybe they’re traveling to another city, or country for that matter. Then they would, of course, have to change clothes after traveling so far. However, it’s unsettling when they return to the house and they’re all back in their original outfits. When did they have time to launder those clothes? Since they’re traveling to destinations unknown to do the shopping, couldn’t they have made a little side-trip and bought something new to wear when they came home? Look, here’s the new headboard we found in Italy, and isn’t this a cute jacket I bought there as well?

While I’m on it, the producers also need to give Stefanie a few coaching sessions about hand gestures. She’s getting a little out of control with them. I’m waiting for the time when she pokes someone’s eye out with those fingers she points. I detected on a recent show one of the client’s ducking ever so slightly to avoid being whacked on the side of his head from her waving arms. This is easy to overcome (I should know) so hopefully they’ll get on this. Oh yes, one more thing----please don’t show her plopping herself on someone’s bed to drive home a point about an over-head shelf. She can just use those fingers to point at it.

Pet Perq in my Office

It was only a matter of time before I blogged about my cats. Anyone who knows me for more than five minutes know that I own, or rather am owned by, three little cherubs. Most of my adult life I’ve lived with cats, continuously astounded by their magnificence, their intelligence, and their indifference. My husband believes I have some kind of persecution complex to put up with their behavior sometimes, but I don’t care. I’m here to serve.

I will say each day I have a Feng Shui issue with one of my little felines. Her name is Mudra and she is the most "water-y" of the three----she doesn’t mingle with the other two, she prefers to eat by herself, and she’s not much for sitting on the back deck even on sunny days. She’s an indoor kitty all the way.

One of the places she takes over is my office chair. She curls up on the chair first thing in the morning, and at night she’ll often still be there. Of course, it presents a dilemma for me since I need to work at my desk. What dilemma? you may ask, echoing my husband’s own question. You move her off the chair—it’s that easy, he’ll tell me. This next part will fully disclose a flaw in my own character, but real, true cat-owners will totally understand: you don’t disturb a kitty. Oh no. The cat stays and I adjust.

In Feng Shui, you must have a comfortable, high-backed chair at your desk. One that supports you as you make decisions. One that rolls back and forth easily, has arms, and can be raised and lowered as needed. I hear myself say it countless times to clients and students. I say it adamantly even, with great emphasis, stressing the importance of sitting straight and feeling in control. The caveat, for those of you who still are not understanding the gist of my blog, is that this Feng Shui directive does not apply if you have cats. Here’s the new directive: if a cat is sitting in your office chair, you share the space with the cat, disturbing them as little as possible. Duh.

As I write this very blog, I am comfortably and easily perched on the front two inches of my chair, with my lovely cat Mudra sprawled behind.

She has agreed to move her large bushy tail to give me this space for which I’m grateful. Lest I forget she has so generously shared her space, she will from time to time push her little front paws into my back. Some people would think she was trying to shove me off the chair, but I know she’s offering me the support and confidence I need in life. When stalled for an idea, or struggling to know where to begin, I reach behind me and pet whatever part of her my hand finds. As though that isn’t reward enough, she will emit a soft purr to let me know she’s there and recognizes my efforts. What better Feng Shui can I have? Those high-backed chairs, those ergonomic monstrosities----they’re only for people who don’t have the privilege of sharing their space with the gift of a cat.